Where did it all begin? Did competition among women start with the story of Snow White and the evil Step Mother who was envious of her being the fairest of them all? That tale certainly teaches little girls many insidious lessons about competition between women. I suppose the origin does not matter. But I harbor a secret belief that if I find the source of this wickedness in women, I will be able to pull it out right at the root. I wish that I could eradicate the pervasive contest women have with each other with one swift yank. Since I am not that powerful, I figure there is only one way for us to purge this rivalry. Each one of us needs to acknowledge that every woman is a goddess and then pass it on.
In my opinion, a goddess is a powerful woman. She knows that she has an essence that is exclusive to her that is pure, perfect and exquisite right now and forever. She has unique gifts to give the world. She is sensual and feminine. She is confident that she is capable of anything she puts her mind to.
We all might have a different definition of what a goddess is, but I am sure we can agree on one thing. Women can be destructive, hurtful and downright vicious towards other female classmates, coworkers, colleagues, friends and family members. This behavior is not only damaging to our relationships with other women, but hurts us as individuals. It may appear as innocent gossip, but once you hear your friend speak harshly towards another woman, you cannot help to wonder (consciously or unconsciously) what she says behind your back. I believe that gossip and general rivalry erodes away at ourcore foundation of confidence in our self. If we compete with other women over men, looks, jobs, clothes and children, we are dooming ourselves to a lifetime of perpetual insecurity.
We don’t even recognize how much damage competing with other women does to our self-esteem. We don’t make the connection between self-confidence and gossiping. But, think about how often you criticize yourself in front of other women. Why do we choose to dim our radiant spirit? Because we have just heard our friend rip to shreds a colleague, friend, boss or even a celebrity. Fearing our friend will interpret our accomplishments as her own defeat, we apologize for and minimize our successes and looks.Seeing our lives as a grand contest among women is exhausting and robs us ofthe chance to make women our allies.
Who better than other women to understand what we are going through - on the job, with men, in friendships, with our family? With whom should we join together for women's causes? But we cannot expect other women to join us in a powerful sisterhood if we are continually reminding ourselves that these very women are our enemies.
Truth is, women can lift each other’s spirits so easily with a compliment. We often pay a flattering remark to complete strangers for their fashion sense with saying, “Nice purse, dress, shoes.” What if we took this lovely attribute into other areas of our complex lives? What if you said to a coworker, “That is an excellent Power Point Presentation”? Or what if you told your neighbor, “You’re a good mother”. Or a woman at your gym, “You have great abs”. I think it would make such a difference if we recognized other women’s strengths and complimented each other on them. I believe it could unify us ultimately.
While this thought might appear naïve, over simplified and difficult to do – it’s a place to start and worth a try. We are not here on Earth to judge each other. Let’scome together and build a solid foundation of a powerful sisterhood.
Every woman is a goddess. Pass it on.
Mon, July 27, 2009
by Ms. Dolphina