Fervent Lingerie Collector…or…Panty Addiction?

Fervent Lingerie Collector…or…Panty Addiction?

Would it surprise you that I own quite a few panties? Truth be told, I have an obscene amount of panties and bras, corsets, garters, teddies, babydolls, fishnets and sexy bedroom shoes. Lingerie is irresistible to me. It all started quite innocently at Victoria’s Secret (I affectionately call Vicky’s) and then I found Fredericks of Hollywood, Cosabella and La Perla.  Before I knew it, my problem was uncontrollable and I started tossing clothes out of my drawers to make rooms for…my new lacy drawers.

My girlfriend says my bedroom looks like a French whorehouse from the 1950’s. In my cozy little brothel for one is an entire chest of 5 drawers filled exclusively with panties that are separated by g-string, thong, bikini, boyshorts and ruffle. I also have an armoire with my “collectible” lingerie that only makes an appearance for special occasions. I have a lucky pair of panties that I now only wear when it’s a dire emergency. While donning these auspicious knickers, I got out of a speeding ticket without uttering a word and won $2000 in Vegas. I have candy apple red pumps that say, “seduce me” on the bottom. All that is on my list for Santa every year is lingerie.  I even belong to a “Panty x-change” with a group of cute girlfriends (hmmm…enablers?) in which we gift each other with panties (this is our 5th year!)  I possess a palace of lingerie! But I justified this compulsion with the rational that I am a burlesque dancer and teacher.  It’s all quite sensible; these are my tools of my trade. Really.

 What happened next simultaneously fulfilled my grandest dreams and brought me to my knees with despair. I discovered the luxury lingerie shops Agent Provocateur and Kiki de Montparnasse. Their scrumptious, delectable and completely divine unmentionables raised the bar so far out of reach even with 6-inch stiletto heels. I simply couldn’t live without their cashmere panties! Whatever was to become of me? Doomed to be homeless in $800 knickers and $450 pasties? Perhaps it was about this time that I realized that I had a problem, but not one that I was willing to give up.  I had to get my fix. Shoplifting was out of the question and hustling a sugar daddy for panties would spoil any goodness they possessed.

I began teaching “salons” at the Kiki store on Melrose in Los Angeles in exchange for these posh panties. These gatherings were inspired by the original Kiki, who flourished in and helped define the liberated culture of Paris in the 1920’s (and was the muse to the artist Man Ray).  She would invite all her artist friends to come together and they would learn, be entertained, drink, philosophize and create.  And then one night, during a salon, someone asked me, “How many panties do you have?” “One of every flavor,” I quipped back, but this question lingered with me.  I had no idea. How would I even count them?  Not all panties are created equal!

They say the first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem and then taking a personal inventory. The following is the result of what happens to a woman who lets her panty addiction go out of control: (Note: this list does not include burlesque costumes, Halloween costumes, Mardi Gras costumes, et al. In other words:  nothing that is worn out of the bedroom without something on top of it!)

Sheer “Mac” Raincoat: 1

French Maid outfits: 2

Sexy bedroom shoes: 15

Bra & Panty sets: 78

Babydolls: 21

Teddies: 43

G-strings:  28

Thongs: 195

Bikinis: 114

Hotpants: 182

Ruffle Panties: 37

Garters & Garterbelts: 17

Corsets: 12

Vintage Naughty Board Game to remove lingerie: 1 “Strip Tac Toe”


What do you think? Do I have a problem or a valuable collection?

20 comments (Add your own)

1. Natalie wrote:
Both, and too much time on your hands ;) xoxoxo

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 2:54 AM

2. Shelia wrote:
I would definitely a Valuable collection...lol I adore panties and all lingerie as well, and this year for my birthday, I purchased...you guessed it, more lingerie and my first lingerie chest. :) I think that we, as women, have the right to love the things that make us feel beautiful and girly...Love your collection, Dolphina, you are a Goddess who truly deserves to feel like one and look like one. :)

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 7:50 AM

3. Crystal Marie wrote:
As a fellow *ahem* collector, who affectionately refers to Victoria's Secret as Vicky's as well, I say that your "collection" can be tainted if you feel apologetic in any fashion that you are so very, well, fashionable. So, be thrilled that you are sexy through and through. From your spirit outward, including those sexy knickers that only you know you're wearing. (Or can choose to reveal.) Keep on shopping, my goddess guru!!!

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 9:34 AM

4. marci wrote:
Next time you come to New Orleans you'll have to bring 20 steamer trunks full of your treasures! What a fabulous blog!!

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 9:54 AM

5. Dolphina wrote:
Thank you Goddesses for you valuable comments! To Natalie: you are so right, this is what happened when sick with a cold, staring at my panties:), To Sheila: congrats on your new lingerie chest!, To Crystal,you so insightful and to Marci: Your wish is my command - and we must shop at Trashy Lingerie and Fifi Mahoney's when I am there next!

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 10:29 AM

6. Tami wrote:
That's great! I am actually thinking of starting a collection. I need a makeover..lol!

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 11:41 AM

7. Tami wrote:
That's great! I am actually thinking of starting a collection. I need a makeover..lol!

Sat, December 5, 2009 @ 11:42 AM

8. Rebecca wrote:
Oh, that is SO a valuable collection! In fact, I'm drooling over it! I, too, LOVE lingerie and all beautiful underthings but being young and poor, I have not acquired nearly that great a collection. Someday I hope to have an inventory similar to that. After all, every woman knows that wearing beautiful bras and underwear just makes you feel better!

Sun, December 6, 2009 @ 2:55 AM

9. Sanndi wrote:
Did you know there is a Burlesque Barbie?!? Who knew? X-mas shoppin for my nieces I saw one today.Think it's from the Barbies of the World collection and she represents France,but she made me think of burlesque in her can-can outfit and she even has feathers in her hair- TOO Cute! Dolphina you need to ask Santa to bring you one and she can sit atop your lingerie chest and guard your valuable collection of undies!

Sun, December 6, 2009 @ 10:54 PM

10. micky wrote:
I think your collection sounds fantastic Iam not far behind you with 200 bras about 70 pairs of panties about 5 babydolls and other items of lingerie I love it as I am sure you do!

Wed, December 16, 2009 @ 12:38 PM

11. Dolphina wrote:
Micky - wow! your collection sounds fantastic!

Wed, December 16, 2009 @ 1:07 PM

12. Greta wrote:
To all you budding goddesses who, like myself, have a limited lingerie budget, I must plug my favorite site for naughty underthings: lovefifi.com. If you sign up for their emails, they conveniently alert you every time they have a sale. I purchased my bridal corset for $7 and a wonderfully sexy "wench" corset for $20!! They even have a grab bag option- spend a small amount and just see what you get!

Fri, January 1, 2010 @ 12:23 PM

13. Dolphina wrote:
@Greta - thanks for your wonderful recommendation - I heart Fifi's, too!

Fri, January 1, 2010 @ 2:44 PM

14. J wrote:
Nice sounding collection. I am proud to say that I have a collection magnitude of 20 times that amount. The master bedroom in my house is completely full of lingerie. Close to 2000 pairs of various panties. Almost 500 bras,on and on. close to 1000 full slips and as many half slips.

Tue, May 18, 2010 @ 2:24 PM

15. Emileigh wrote:
I love lingerie but my passion is shoes and I must know the brand of those shoes that say "seduce me"!!! Please tell me.

Sun, February 6, 2011 @ 12:30 AM

16. Emileigh wrote:

Sun, February 13, 2011 @ 12:15 PM

17. James90009 wrote:
I approx 15 times as much and still adding
So I love these things a bit too

Thu, May 5, 2011 @ 6:26 AM

18. Christina wrote:
I have about 200 pairs of panties. However, I think we have different tastes, because I adore simple cotton panties of various sorts. Everything from thongs to full-cut briefs. I'm a bit on the curvy side, so I tend to wear briefs because they fit better. Though, when I want to be sexy for my lady, I'll slip on a pair of hipsters and some stockings.

I'd vote "valuable collection".

Sun, November 27, 2011 @ 9:25 PM

19. Veronica Steele wrote:
Lingerie is what separates us from the 'beasts'! Sounds like a wonderfully luxurious collection to me. Don't feel shame for loving something that makes us feel so yummy!
I have a very large collection as well. I absolutely adore spending time getting ready for my day at work or evenings out! Lingerie is our last line of defence from the 'beasts'! Let them DROOL!

Sun, April 21, 2013 @ 9:53 PM

20. Lynn Morton wrote:
Who doesn't like nice underwear? It's Marks and Spencer that does it for me

Sun, May 12, 2013 @ 11:50 PM

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