I am a huge flirt. I say this without apology. I pretty much flirt with every one. I flirt with anyone who makes me coffee, with DMV employees, when I dance, with guys, with my best girlfriend, with dogs, kittens, bunnies and babies, but most of all: I flirt with life. I may not have a traditional definition of flirting – but my techniques are extremely effective and I do adhere to strict flirting rules. To me, flirting is not about manipulation, having an agenda or being a home wrecker (I haven’t wrecked a single home!) As I see it, flirting is playful, it turns mundane moments into adventures and it’s my way of saying, “I want you closer.”
Due to all my flirting research and years of teaching flirting in my Art of Seduction workshops, I am considered a world-renown flirting enthusiast (by moi). Through my studies, I have come believe there is an actual science to flirting. Because of this almost-proven fact, flirting is a skill that can be taught using the following modus operandi:
· What to say
· How to say it
All flirting begins with the appropriate attitude. For example, I am out hiking when I see a guy walking the most adorable dog I have ever seen. I fall to my knees to scrub the dog’s belly, asking the dog’s owner, “What kind of dog is he? How old is he? How long have you had him?” I am completely in the moment; nothing else exists. He and the dog have my full attention. I’m not distracted by my cell phone or checking out other hikers. This approach never fails to make anyone feel like they are the most important person (and animal) in the room (or on the trail). Dogs are a great gateway for flirting, because you can let out all the stops: coo, rub your face in his fur, scratch his tummy…anything! The dog will love it!! Innocent AND fun—the perfect combination for a flirtation. And if it turns out the owner is open to a little flirtation too, well, it’s icing on the cake!
What to say:
I want to share with you 3 sure-fire things to say that always result in terrific flirting and is a great way to bond with another person and even make a new friend—I call this “ quantum flirting physics!” Ok, so I’m at the ocean for the monthly volunteer beach clean-up (one of my favorite places to meet cool peeps). I’ve been partnered with a fascinating girl who has her own band and clothing line and who also happens to love the ocean enough to be awake at 8am on a Sunday. Here’s what I say:
Confession – Make a small confession that is provocative and will bond you and your new friend. This will create a playful intimacy (which is what flirting is all about).
Example: “You know, I love skinny dipping here on the full moon.”
Compliment – Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – I agree and I believe that we as a society do not compliment each other enough. Women often admire other female’s fashion sense, but there’s so much more to admire! A great compliment is about acknowledging the positives about another person. Compliments can be so powerful because so often, good things go unacknowledged. We can become experts at pointing out what's wrong with something or someone. This is why this is an excellent way to re-introduce flirting into an established relationship.
Example: “I was bragging about you today.”
Or if you just met at the beach clean-up:
Example: “You are cutest/smartest/strongest/funniest partner I have had all day.”
Accomplishment - Research has found that the single most attractive quality in another being is: confidence! Don’t be afraid to speak about your passions and accomplishments. Just make sure that for every one thing you say about yourself, you ask the other person something about themselves.
Example: “I was playing my trombone last night and my dog was howling like crazy! Do you play any instruments?” I saw a dog like this when I was traveling through the Amazon. Do you like to travel?”
Teasing – Flirting isn’t all about the tease, but teasing is all about flirting. It’s like giving a hint of what is to come. Teasing is a great way to make everything playful – a good one for shy goddesses and also to add a little levity to a relationship.
Example: (back to the guy with the dog): Say to the dog’s face, “You are so handsome, and your owner is not so bad either!” (Just make sure you don’t rub the owner’s tummy—at least not yet.)
How to Say It:
Most articles on this subject will list all sorts of “Body Language” cues: flirt with five seconds of eye contact, toss your hair and gently touch their thigh while laughing. I recommend skipping these artificial body language techniques. Flirting should be organic, reveal your shiny true self and ultimately be fun. The goal is to make it easy for the other person to respond warmly to your witty charm, to make them laugh, to engage in flirty banter.
So far, my guide to flirting has been innocent fun, but there are times you will want to turn on the turbo flirt and press the pedal to the metal. We are no longer in innocent zone: we are in burning rubber and let it sizzle mode! Use everything we’ve learned so far, but add sensuality.
For example: I am hiking and I see the dog and his guy again. I say, “ I hear there’s a full moon tonight. I love dancing naked under the moonlight! Don’t you?” Or “Boy I could use a hot oil massage!” Or “My favorite thing to do after a long dirty hike is to slip into a hot bubble bath with a glass of champagne and a book of poetry, or even better, someone to read me poetry…”
And so, Dear Reader, you must know that out of all my readers, you are the smartest. I revel in your company, and I’m so happy we got to share this time together.
One last thing: please keep this between you and me, but you are my favorite! xxx