Today was my 6th annual GoddessLife Panty X-Change and we did it Burlesque style! What you ask is a GoddessLife Panty X-Change? And how do you do it Burlesque Style? Well, relax, pour yourself a delicious beverage and let me tell you the entire ridiculously fabulous story.
It all began 6 years ago when 4 of my dearest girlfriends and I desperately longed for more panties. We are all burlesque dancers, bellydancers, hula dancers, cheerleaders and addicted to lingerie. We wore panties while we performed, in classes at my dance studio (The Goddess Center) and for fun. We actually needed them. Once you feel nice knickers on your body, its impossible to return to ordinary undies. Trust me. It was a problem of the highest magnitude; it was a thirst we could not quench. Something must be done! After much research, concentration and meditation, the idea was born that would solve all of our problems and fill our drawers with adorable drawers. For the Winter Holidays, the gift that we would give each other would be panties. AKA: The GoddessLife Panty X-Change.
How The GoddessLife Panty X-change works: Each woman in the Panty X-change shares with the group her size and preferred style of panty: bikini, thong, boyshort, etc. Then each woman gifts each woman in the group a pair of panties. So, if there are 5 women in the group, including yourself, you will purchase 4 panties – one for each woman. Over the years, I have received the most delectable lingerie! I encourage you to start your own Panty X-change with your girlfriends!
The GoddessLife Panty X-Change normally occurs later in the Holiday Season, however, this year was no ordinary year. Unless a movie is released entitled: Bellydance, Goddess or Rescued by Dolphins, a movie title couldn’t be dearer to my heart than BURLESQUE. Because the movie was released on Wednesday, I officially declared this BURLESQUE week. So, today we took the Panty X-Change to the 11am showing of BURLESQUE.
I felt a feeling of reverence this morning, dressing up (and merely waking up!) for an 11am movie on a Sunday. We were not alone in our worship – the theatre was packed, but we had the best panties - absolutely no contest! As we sat in the theatre, I told my friends about my latest favorite iPhone app for movies (highly recommended!): RunPee. It gives you the best times in the movie, when nothing is happening to run to the bathroom by giving you the cue, time and even synopsis of scene while you are in the bathroom (or on the phone, buying popcorn, etc). We cued up our iPhones as the lights went down….hold onto your panties…its BURLESQUE!
My friends and I giggled during the entire movie, except during the dance numbers. I will describe those in glorious detail, but first, the rest. The story has as many clichés you can fit into a movie. A girl (X-tina) from a small town has a big dream. Her 2nd line and probably 5th word in the entire movie is, “I’m moving”. No build up or back-story - who cares. She makes it to the big city, but life is hard. She works as a waitress at the Burlesque Club (yes, that’s the creative name of the club) and fantasizes about performing on the stage, but the owner (Cher) won’t give her a chance. The owner is pre-occupied with financial problems because an evil businessman wants to build a high rise in its place. Cut to: X-tina has to take over when the lead performer gets fired and there is a stage malfunction. Her voice blows everyone away and soon she is a star and the club is saved.
There are 18 musical numbers. They are the only reason to see this movie.
1) During the opening credits: X-tina sings in her small town bar she works at before she leaves for the big city inter-cut with dance scenes from the Burlesque Club.
2) First full dance number in The Burlesque Club: The dance style is very Fosse-esque, with lots of finger snapping going on. The costumes are various lingerie, stripped socks and naval captain hats. Cher is in circus-esque gown singing a song entitled, “Welcome to Burlesque”. This is a fabulous number and sadly, the only truly Burlesque number that Cher performs, so enjoy!
3) Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend: The dancer slides down on a stage curtain made from strands of diamonds wearing divine lingerie to open this number. Then drama ensues when the lead performer (played by Kristen Bell) shows up late for her number and furious that she has been replaced, enters the stage and a cat fight ensues while X-tina begins to fantasize and “sees” herself onstage performing this number.
4) Nikki (played by Kristen Bell) sings a song with naughty nurses as background singers
5) Can-Can Dance rehearsal at The Burlesque Club during the day.
6) X-tina performs a dance audition for Cher and Stanley Tucci. She is terrible.
7) X-tina proclaims she knows every dance number in the show, so Cher gives her another try. She is laughable, but begs her way into the show.
8) Montage of X-tina rehearsing for show.
9) X-tina sings at The Burlesque Club for the 1st Time: After the lead performer, Nikki is drunk and belligerent, Cher sends her home. Then a sound malfunction leaves X-tina no option, but to sing. She blows everyone away.
10) X-tina sings, “Because I’m a Good Girl” with back up dancers. This is one of my favorite numbers of the movie because it’s one of my all-time pet burlesque songs and the costumes are darling. It has been performed for many years at The Crazy Horse in Paris and I’m sure that is where the inspiration was derived.
11) Hula-Hoop Dancer: Super brief number. You see her onstage and then they cut away to another scene.
12) Best Costume! X-tina is literally dripping in pearls during this 1920’s feather fan dance in which she removes her top.
13) “It’s Burlesque”: X-tina sings this Fosse-esque chair dance.
14) Contortionists: Wish they showed more of this number – it reminds me of my dear friends act, ‘Honey & Vermillion’. Its 2 female contortionists and a male. Its whimsical and they are talented contortionists.
15) Cher sings a ballad: After a long day when Tess (Cher) starts to lose hope about losing her beloved Burlesque club, she sings alone in the club. The song is, “Haven’t seen the last of me”. She belts it and is fierce, but it doesn’t seem to be burlesque style whatsoever.
16) X-tina sings a ballad: Not burlesque, either.
17) Shimmy: Brief number by club’s girls.
18) Finale: X-tina’s boyfriend writes her a song called, “Show me how you Burlesque” and they perform it after Cher and X-tina find a way to save the club from closure.
I had a brief consultation with the filmmaker and they added two GoddessLife tips to the movie:
1) “If you fall, remember, leg up and tits out” ~ Cher
2) “Remember you’re a Goddess” ~ Stanley Tucci
After much anticipation for the movie, I knew this would be our generation’s SHOWGIRLS, but I knew I HAD to see this film and I HAD to see it with my girlfriends. It will probably win the Raspberry Award this year, but I do still recommend seeing this movie with your girlfriends for the fun, choreographies, costumes, costumes, costumes and X-tina’s amazing voice.
Following BURLESQUE, the time had finally had come for the GoddessLife Panty X-change. We went to a gorgeous restaurant and put all the wrapped knickers on the table. Onlookers, peeping-toms and voyeurs watched us as we savored opening the boxes that held our unmentionables. They were more delicious than lunch. Ones with polka-dots, silk, see-through, peek-a-boo backs, stripes, candy, bunnies, puppies, robots (yes, robots!), ruffles, bows, lace and ones with skirts. Then I opened the piece de résistance: A pair of red satin panties with jingle bells on the derriere. I shrieked with delight! Darling! Our table was covered with panties. My girlfriends and I were satisfied. That is, until the next Panty X-change. We decided to have another one for Valentine’s Day.