This blog is going to get me into trouble. But I am going to write it anyway.
Why am I intentionally putting myself in hot water? I feel a responsibility to share my seduction secrets with other women. I am a belly dancer who celebrates her sexuality while dancing and in the bedroom. The dance has taught me many secrets of pleasure, technique and seduction.
Every magazine is filled with tips on beauty and even advice on acting and dressing sexier. However, I have yet to see an article that empowers women to enjoy being sexy for their own pleasure. I feel like a modern day version of the temples of the Kama Sutra, in which women passed on the Art and Science of Love to other women. I will take the heat because some women will benefit from what I have to say.
As much as our culture is obsessed with it, sex is still taboo. Sex is everywhere in TV, Movies and advertising, yet nothing is as threatening to both men and women than a woman who owns her sexual power. So much so that even my sisters in the belly dance community find me controversial because I believe there is nothing wrong with celebrating the intrinsically sexy aspect to the dance.
I was 24 when I discovered my power of being a seductress. I had the opportunity to travel throughout the Middle East being employed at nightclubs with 1-month residencies, performing 6 nights a week. I had the days free to explore the city and absorb the culture. Traveling to foreign cities by myself was exhilarating, educational and terrifying. I found it liberating to be in a location for a predetermined amount of time not knowing a soul and getting a fresh start a month later. Seeing the Middle East through the eyes of a blonde belly dancer was a fascinating experience. I was in ancient cities performing an ancient dance.
My sexual epiphany happened in Istanbul, Turkey. Something about the unique mix of Europe and Middle East culture, the weather, the hotel they set me up in and the gorgeous men brought out the seductress in me. This was my first taste of having several men pursuing me at once. I was shocked to discover the extent to which men will go to “win” a woman. Truth is, I did very little to encourage their behavior. I wasn't having sex with them (sex before marriage is uncommon in Turkey) and hadn't even gone on dates with two men. I was showered with gifts and since they knew there was competition, they started to get creative. One memorable gift was my url and designing a website for me. One guy gave me his car. However, his father, screaming at my balcony, awoke me that night. It appears it wasn’t his to give away. One of my admirers told me that I scared him – because there was no hope for him to resist me – he would give me anything I wanted.
His fear was logical: in seduction, women hold all the cards. He recently became my Facebook friend and sent me a virtual car, villa and diamond ring. I accepted them…how could I not?
How to Seduce
Being a seductress is like giving an invitation. It’s an invitation to play a game that they know they will win, but they find fun, challenging and the winning will be satisfying. Being a good seductress knows this and does not fault a man for his focused desire. Instead, she is empowered by this knowledge because it is the woman who chooses and sends the invitation. She delights in her feminine wiles and hones her skills to an art form.
While having a great body helps to attract a man, it is not a requirement in being a great seductress. It doesn’t matter what shape or size you are, or how much money you have, or what job you have. You can use these techniques even if you are already married to keep the spark alive between you and to keep feeling like a sensuous woman. Being a seductress is claiming and enjoying the power you innately have as a woman.
Compliment a man - Many times what a man finds attractive is a woman who notices him and what he does. It is not always the most beautiful woman that men find irresistible, but a woman who makes him feel good about himself. Compliment him on just about anything: the fact that he made dinner reservations, his job or his eyes. A boost to his ego will improve your ability to be the ultimate seductress.
Body Language – It is very important to make sure your body language says that when they make a move, you will be interested, so no crossed arms or legs. Copying and imitating his movements is very powerful and I find myself doing this organically when I am attracted to someone – so if he is leaning back, lean back. Also, touching is very effective. I will touch ‘safe areas’ like the shoulders; arms and even a leg can be electric, yet not obvious when he makes you laugh or when you find something that you have in common. It should be quick, friendly and soft. You can also touch your own body. Try putting your hands on hips, licking your lips or stroking your hair. I have even done a stretch, saying oh that feels good with my words, but saying so much more with my body. All of these are very effective and I have used them all. However, if this is new to you, try just a couple of these body language moves, until you know how to use them with subtlety and confidence. You don’t want to seem ridiculous – like a parody.
Lingering eye contact – Lingering eye contact is not staring, but looking into the eyes a little longer than normal. I also find very effective is lingering on his lips as he talks, going back to the eyes and then again to the lips.
Talking – When it comes to talking, so much of what is said is said through the body, that it is most important that you say it with the right tone, rather than tripping over words. So if you don’t really know what to say, you can keep the line short, but say it with the right mood. Talk about something that you are enthusiastic about. Hearing and seeing this excitement shows that you are a passionate person. At this point, he might not know what you do in bed, but will become desperate to find out.
Listening – Truly listen to what he has to say and find him interesting. Reply with short words and phrases that show you are listening and encourage him to open up even more, such as: fascinating, I’ve always wanted to do that, or that’s admirable. Tell him in subtle or obvert ways that he is the most exciting man you have ever met.
Flirt – Flirting is a playful game using witty banter to play with. Much like tennis, its no fun to play with someone that can’t return the ball, so once you begin, keep hitting it back, even if your stroke is less than perfect and you have to reach to return. Also, its no fun to have your ball slammed to hard that you couldn’t return, so play nice. Teasing and flattery and a hint of what is to come are all a part of flirting. You are the seductress, so start the game with one easy to return– tell him that you just bought some new lingerie.
Learn skills – Learn skills that will make you a better lover, such as sensual massage, bellydance, etc. Then, during conversation, casually bring up that you took a class in oral pleasure. Then as his eyes pop out of his head, offhandedly say, “”yes, and it turns out I was the best in the class”.
Confidence - A seductress oozes confidence. People are drawn to her joie de vivre. She loves to laugh and faces her fears with aplomb. She has challenges in life, but these challenge simply make her a better, more interesting person.
Smooth Operator – You want to be so smooth, that they do no know what has hit them. Men do not want to think you do this to anyone else. Men want to think they are doing the seduction. A good seductress knows how to make a man feel like he’s seduced her.
Posted on
Monday, May 18, 2009
by Ms. Dolphina