Best Compliment about my weight: An astronaut at NASA told me that I have the best body in the Milky Way Galaxy.
Worst Insult about my weight: Being congratulated on my “pregnancy bump” after traveling on the Milky Way chocolate bar path to happiness.
Did any of these interactions about my weight and physical fitness change how I feel about my body? Ennn-ooo.
After years of running GoddessLife, a company I created to empower women, I experienced a series of personal losses and physical injuries. And I let myself go. My buns of steel turned to buns of marshmallows. I stopped exercising and was breathless after a 15 second lap dance for my boyfriend. It was perfectly normal for me to eat a cupcake for breakfast. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. I was out of control and completely out of shape.
In my Goddess Workout DVDs, books, workshops and Teacher Trainings, I espouse the GoddessLife philosophy. I believe every woman is a goddess and when you awaken the goddess within, magical things will happen. I champion the notion that there is great power and healing in embracing the feminine. And I promote the empowerment that comes with accepting and loving your body just as it is right now. Today. However, as a dancer and teacher, I have been fit and thin my entire life.
I preached a lifestyle that afforded me a magical life. It was authentic. I healed many personal inner wounds and was living my dreams. But I never struggled with weight issues. Part of it is genes and the other is that I had built health and fitness into an integral part of my life. I’m now aware that the following statement can be truly annoying: For most of my life, being thin and fit came easy to me.
Then two years ago, I lost two people who were very dear to me and was sexually assaulted. I was devastated. Food replaced dancing as my comfort. I don’t do anything half-ass and I became a first rate foodie! Initially it was pleasurable. I felt like I was nurturing my broken heart and it was delicious! I celebrated having a bonafide booty and rode my bicycle in my dance leotard for all the world to see.
Soon, I had to buy new jeans to hold the 50 lbs I gained. I embraced my new “mother earth” curves & dimples. But this sentiment was not shared by my boyfriend who told me how hot I used to be and asked if I could get back to my previous weight & shape. He quickly became an ex, but it did hurt. I began to doubt that I was still sexy, attractive and even loveable!
Next stop on the weight train was breaking my leg. And this was a complete stop. I had to keep my leg elevated and couldn’t bear weight on it for 6 weeks. I became completely disconnected from my body and utterly dependent on my friends for my every need. Luckily, I am blessed with the most awesome friends. They turned my broken leg into a summer of slumber parties – complete with bedazzling my cast. They not only helped me heal physically, but they turned my injury into a celebration.
When my cast was removed, so was my low body self esteem and those 50 lbs! But now I was skinny-fat: I was thin, but after not moving my body for 6 weeks, I was flabby. I always say, “A day without jiggling is a day wasted.” Now I had to put my money where my mouth was.
But I believe I had to take this journey, just as a shaman. In order to teach The GoddessLife philosophy, to understand the full spectrum of body issues to be able to understand what most women experience about their body. It doesn’t matter if other people think you are skinny, fat, fit, curvy – it only matters if you love your body. Right now. As it is.
Today I celebrate my body. Healthy. Able to dance. Not as fit as I used to be. But none of that matters. I’ve been fit, skinny, fat, skinny-fat, fat-fit, but what matters is how I feel about my own body. I’ve been on every end of the fitness spectrum and I feel confident to say that I recommend no before & after goals. Love your body today because that is all you have.
Posted on Sat, April 23, 2016
by Ms. Dolphina