I’ve been on both sides of a break up. I’ve been dumped, cheated on, neglected, ripped-off, lied to and longed for someone to change. I also have been unavailable, a total dork, immature, angry, stupid, possessed by PMS and completely rude. I’ve been in relationships that endured years and infatuations that lasted 10 minutes. The fact remains the same, regardless of the circumstances: Break-ups. Are. Painful.
Goddess knows I don’t have all the answers, but these are my Top-10 ways I have survived a break-up.
1) Do something kind for yourself. I know you feel like punishing yourself because you already feel beat-up, but do something caring for yourself that will lift your spirits. Partake in tried and true gentle activities, such as getting out of bed! Avoid like the plague engaging in self-sabotaging and numbing behavior such as over-spending, binge-eating or trolling them on the internet.
2) Do something kind for another person. You probably feel like you have nothing to offer, but trust me, feeding the homeless, walking a dog at a pet shelter or whatever is your soft-spot for others will do wonders for lifting your spirits. Money-back guarantee.
3) Exercise. Moving your body releases endorphins. In addition, you can exercise your anger, sadness, despair, guilt and confusion through movement. Walk. Take a class. Dance around your room.
4) Be productive. Do something easy, tangible and has immediate results. Clean your refrigerator. Take your car for a tune up. Send your best friend a letter expressing how wonderful they are. Doing tasks will distract you from your thoughts. And the instant results will boost your self-esteem.
5) Write a list. Express everything you don’t like about your ex or why you broke up. Someday, maybe tomorrow or possibly months from now, you will miss them and forget why you broke up in the first place. Now, while the memories are fresh, take copious notes to remind yourself how they hurt you and what they were incapable of giving you or receiving from you.
6) Create an empowering playlist. Don’t include “your song” or any tunes that celebrate everlasting love or ones that make you cry. This list should include positive songs about how lucky you are to not be together anymore. Send me your list!
7) Cold Turkey. Give yourself a time limit of how long you will allow yourself to wallow. I’m not trying to be a be-atch. Give yourself a day, a month or however long you decide to eat as much Ben & Jerry’s as you can afford and to beleaguer your friends with every painful detail. Then cut yourself off. That doesn’t mean you won’t think of them ever, especially when you hear “your song” or ache when you think of how they were the best kisser the world has ever known. It just means that when you do, distract yourself. Pronto.
8) Cry yourself a river. After you determine the amount of time you are going to allow yourself to suffer – be the world’s greatest crybaby. Watch a sad movie, listen to “your song” over and over, cry yourself to sleep – do whatever makes you sob about your loss. Weeping is tremendously cathartic, therapeutic and a marvelous release.
9) Delete their number from your phone & email. If you really want to…give their number to a trusted friend in case some unusually rare reason arises that you need to contact them. Your friend will be a better judge than you of your perceived importance to communicate with them. This prevents the regrettable drunk texting and emailing a youtube video that you think will make them smile.
10) Write your own “Surviving a break-up” list. Jotting down my ways of coping with a break-up did wonders for me. My ideas might not make your top-ten, so write your own (and send them to me).
Posted on Thu, August 11, 2011
by Ms. Dolphina filed under